OMG WHY?? {small house living}

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View from my kitchen window

If people don’t ask me outright, the question lies on their face, their eyes betray their curiosity. Their shock.  And their complete lack of understanding.

I hope to explain just why I choose to live in such a small place, how it has benefited us and the handful of downsides that I am working out how to do better.

I have always love the idea of living in a double decker bus. Or one of the tiny homes that are increasingly popular in the USA. In England however the weather is cold, grey and unpleasant an awful lot of the time so keeping a tiny home warm is a difficult task. I am not able to drive and I have no intention of getting my drivers license any time soon. So a bus, whilst tempting, was out of the question. A tiny home sounds great, if you are able to build it yourself. Then kids came along and we bought ourselves a house. it seemed the right thing to do.

Fast forward 6 years and our marriage had broken down entirely. the one and only thing we agreed on was that whatever was going to happen next had to be in the childrens’ best interest. We looked at going our separate ways, each getting their own house but the cost! It would have mean moving far from where the children had settled, far from where I had settled and where the four of us had a group of friends. it would have meant both of us adults living a considerable distance apart which would have meant the children would have seen their dad a lot less. Not acceptable to us.

Somehow the decision was made to split the semi detached little house we lived in into two flats. The children and I would live in the ground floor flat and their dad would turn the upstairs into a flat of his own. And out of nowhere my desire to live in a smaller home was realised. I now have three rooms. The childrens’ bedroom, the kitchen/living room/bedroom and the bathroom. 3 rooms means a lot less cleaning but also a lot less place to hoard stuff.

Living in a small space like this obviously has its disadvantages! For me however the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages!

claiming the victim title (and being OK with it)

victim information sheet

Wiltshire police witness and victim information sheet

For the past ten months or so I have found myself to have a bit of a stalker, harassment its been called by the police.  A guy who joined a pagan group I co-run and whilst having some obvious issues he seemed harmless.

Being a nice person you try and help. He had no money so you buy him a drink when you are at a moot, you make sure he can get home. You know normal stuff that nice people do. Soon it started to go downhill. His issues that appeared minor to start with became bigger and bigger until I had to step in with my co organiser and tell him as nicely as we could that his issues where getting out of hand, He had show up at the meeting smelling to the point several of us near him where gagging. He carried around 3 or 4 bin bags filled with smelly rubbish. He appeared manic but firmly stated he was fine. Basic social etiquette had gone out of the window for him and he displayed a lot of very inappropriate behaviour. We wrote him a letter, thinking this would be the kindest way to explain things to him. We listed things factually, offered him support and suggested charities that would be able to help him with certain issues. Explained that he would be able to get support from his GP and what he could ask for. Told him we would be there to help if he needed it.

The police asked me why? why did I bother? Because. Its what people should do! We should attempt to help each other! we should try and support each other. If ever I am down in the dumps and struggle to make ends meet so much that I am fishing food out of a bin like he is, I would hope someone would offer a hand to help. I never expected it to backfire. I never expected for things to go from annoying to creepy.

My file is with a sergeant now. Up for review. To see if its worth it in the public interest to take this to court. Yep. Even though My kids and I are suffering because of this it has to be in the public interest to prosecute.

This file starts with stating my name followed by “I am the victim”. That was a hard pill to swallow. I have been a victim and overcome that. I didn’t want to be a victim. I had equated victim with weakness somehow. Worked so hard at overcoming my victim-ness and people telling me how strong I must be to have overcome so much that victim had become equal to weak.

How stupid was that. Us victims are some of the strongest people on this earth. We aren’t weak but rather we are in the midst of the hurricane that is attempting to tear apart our life. And even as it is tearing and pulling and wrecking we are going around with a roll of duct tape patching the pieces back together. Working hard to keep as much of our life together so that once that hurricane has finished we can start to unwrap the duct tape and put everything back together as it should be.

I am Vera and I am a victim.

To be continued…..